Awkward Situations v2

IT LIVES!
The blog, I mean.
Meh, it was pretty bad to begin with so I'm pretty sure you didn't miss it.
I was just thinking about how I hadn't posted in a long time and the fact that I hadn't made one of those lists in forever.
So I decided that I was going to make one on awkward situations.
But then I realised that I already did that.
So I decided instead to make a list of the Top 5 things to do to make an awkward situation!
Yay, relabeling!

1. Do nothing.
Studies have shown that 50% percent of awkward situations are a direct result of doing nothing. So yeah, just stand there. Shifty eyes do help though. Oh, it also helps that you do nothing in the presence of someone forced to take your doing of nothing. I personally find that this method is particularly effective in one on one conversations:

Victim: "OHMYGOSH! I know what you mean! It's crazy right?"
You: "..."
Victim: "Right?"
You: *Shifty eyes*

WHOOSH! Instant awkwardness!
There is a flaw to this method though, cause there's always that chance of your victim ignoring the awkwardness of the situation due to the fact that you're just standing there.
At that point, you're just being creepy.

2. Get lost.
So how this works is that you have to find someplace where your victim is unlikely to move. Those benches outside 313 are the perfect spot. It's actually pretty simple; make sure that your victim (that guy on the bench) notices you walking in one direction then once you're out of sight, double back and make sure your victim sees you again. Repeat for as many times necessary.

3. Awk-animals!
Y'know, simply use the Awk-turtle, the Awk-Giraffe or the Awk-Jellyfish.
I really don't recommend this unless you know your victims.
Cause if you don't, then you just look like you're miming or something.

4. Tell a story. A really long one.
You have to act as if you're gonna tell a REALLY funny story.
And make sure everyone at the table's paying attention to you.
Elaborate on every detail and this would eventually lead to you forgetting the point of the story and of course, why you found it funny in the first place.

Just go talk to me if you need any examples; I churn these out everyday.
Unintentionally.
It sucks, I know.

5. Assume that you recognise all your friends just by looking at the back of their heads.
The beauty of this method is that you are free to decide how you're going to demonstrate your recognition of your "friend" from the back.
It really helps if you're wrong.

I mean, you could run up behind him and rub his belly and be all "Hey Mark!"
That's right David; you know what I mean.

Yupp, that's it.
Another bad list to another bad post to another bad blog.
Man I'm bored.